Consent

Sometimes you have to stop teaching so you can teach.

A couple weeks ago, things got really real on the playground. A group of kids approached me, huddled around a sweet little boy named Christiano who was sniffling back tears. This child is usually quite happy, I had never seen him any shade of blue so I knew it was serious. Everyone around him started talking at once before I could even ask what happened

“BDLAJJEOWVAKksldbxuehdJsvwix!” Yeah it sounded just like that.

“Okay…wait. Hold up. Christiano. Just you. What happened?”

Tears. He couldn’t hold them back. In between the tears he told me kids were grabbing him and not letting him leave the wooded part of the playground.

Who would mess with Christiano like that? My sweet Christiano who is a friend to all. Oh heck naw…Not today.

There were several classes out and it was time to line up. Good. Easier to figure out who was involved.

“Show me who,” I said as calmly as I could. I felt like the teacher version of mama bear…no one was going to mess with one of my kids. My heart was huffing, my lungs were puffing. I wanted to blow the whole playground down.

As all the classes were lining up, I was waiting to see whose class the perpetrators came from.

Christiano sputtered, “It was James and Jose and Julian.”

What? My heart sank. He listed kids from our class. Infinity. That didn’t seem right. I had been most certain it was someone else from another class…someone I didn’t know. Not one of us. I wanted to huff harder and I wanted to puff harder and I wanted to not only tear this playground down but all the playgrounds. All of them. Butsomething inside told me to breathe deep instead.

Without another word I took my class inside and we all sat down. In a circle.

What happened?

We passed around our talking piece. I didn’t say a word.

It turns out that all four boys were playing cops and robbers (yeah, I know…). Christiano got tired of the game and decided to leave to play with another group and the boys who were cops though he was escaping and grabbed him. This scared Christiano. Other kids saw and brought him over to me. They all felt all the feelings.

Julian said he thought they were still playing. Jose thought since they were playing that way the whole time it was okay to keep on playing. James didn’t realize until just now that something was wrong.

Around this point is when I stepped in and talked a bit about how sometimes someone may want to play something then later they change their mind and that’s okay. We talked about signs that someone may not want to play something anymore even if they don’t say it with words. A game is supposed to be fun and as soon as someone isn’t having fun the game needs to stop. They understood. They all could relate.

James, Julian, and Jose each apologized and Christiano accepted. James said he felt really bad that Christiano got so upset. Jose wanted to do something to make Christiano feel better.They all did. Again, without me saying or suggesting a thing, they all made him cards.

By the end of the day, the four boys were inseparable. With just minimal adult interference they made things right.

Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t huff, puff, and blow the whole playground down. I’m glad I gave them a time and space to handle it. I see that more conversations on consent and what that is and isn’t needs to happen proactively. I’m also incredibly thankful I get to be their teacher and that I got to witness the entire situation because it let’s me know…the kids are alright.